A new day, A new life
by Jena Rink
Summary: I could dimly hear him crying, and feel the heat of the lamp pointing at us. And then, there was nothing. But my death is only the beginning of this story. One that's gotten more complicated as time has gone on. Jommy really really sad!
1. The Introduction

A New Day, A new Life

Prolouge

Jena Rink

Tissue Warning…it's sad. I'm sorry. Eek.

You know that moment when your life is over, and you know it? Well I do. Because it's happened to me. My hands were shaking, and I could feel warm liquid all over me. I felt sick, like I wanted to vomit. But nothing would come out because I couldn't breathe. Maybe driving to the concert and skipping out on my release party wasn't the greatest idea. I felt like I'd been torn in two.My mind is fine. It's everything else that's hazy. It was like I could see Mason right in front of me. Like I was already at the concert.

"Hey gorgeous..."he said, his voice shaking.

"Mason, what's going on..."I said softly and he grabbed my hands.

"Honey, you were in an accident, a drunk driver...they called me because I was close..."he said softly, and I glanced around me, noticing my car upside down. And Darius had just had it restored. He'd certainly be angry...wait a minute...

"Why are we still at the scene?" I asked, panicking, my breath shaky.And then I figured it out. There must have been no reason to leave. This was my moment,"Oh, my God..."I said, feeling bile rise in the back of my throat. Mason just squeezed my hands tightly.

"I won't leave you..."he promised, and a stray tear fell on my face. I glanced up at him, my resolve breaking.

"Mason, don't cry..."I breathed, and he brushed his thumb across my cheek gently.

"I'll try not too...okay?"he said unsuccesfully.

"Mason?" my vision had started to get foggy a while back, and it was only getting worse. "Yeah...just stay a little longer, okay?" he said, trying to keep me awake.

"Tell everyone..." and then I was gone. I could dimly hear him crying, and feel the heat of the lamp pointing at us. And then, there was nothing. But my death is only the beginning of this story. One that's gotten more complicated as time has gone on.


	2. Chapter 1

A New Day, A new Life

Part One

Jena Rink

Let me know what you think.

I don't own instant star-!

So here I am, singing at an open mic night, seven months after my initial passing, as they called it upstairs. My now strawberry blonde hair falling thick and straight down my back, my blue eyes the same and my face dotted with freckles. I could still play the guitar. And I could still sing. My training was benefitting me, not that I didn't have enough money already. They had made sure of that. I had everything I could want. Julie Mikeals had a perfect life. But I was hiding inside of this shell of a person,longing to be free.

"Um...hi..."I said softly, sitting down at the piano, and touched the keys lightly, closing my eyes,"This is skips..."

I started the Piano beat lightly, closing my eyes as I opened my mouth to sing.

_I feel my heart doesn't fit  
Cuz it beats too many times  
And it skips Running races in my head and then_

I feel my hands don't work  
Touch your skin in the dark  
I was put here to watch I meant to get out of this  
Close to your skin

Up and down on this merry go round  
take me up put me back in one piece but let me feel you  
Well here I am landing myself again  
Ready to fake it all the way  
But let me break him in  
Let me break him in

Made a choice try to make myself invisible  
Make sure I was better  
Cuz I'm sick of feeling miserable  
Hidden by some lies  
Sacrifice my friendly ties  
Started from scratch won't attack if he walks my way  
Hear what he has to say

I feel my heart doesn't fit  
Cuz it beats too many times  
And it skips running races in my head and then...

I didn't expect to see anyone. And yet I felt the farmilliar hand grab my arm before I'd even reached the door.

"Look, it's my job to find new talent for a studio in Toronto...and I..." I cut him off, unable to look at his face.

"I'm not interested...what's your..."Oh this is so hard. I know exactly who the fuck he is, and there we go.

"Andrews, Jamie Andrews..."he said, sticking out his hand. I was afraid if I shook it I'd break down and accept his offer.

"What's your name?" he said suddenly, almost accusatory.

"Julie, Julie Mikeals...but that's not..." he cut me off again, I could tell he was excited.

"Julie, I want you to come in and record a demo..." I shook my head.

"I can't...I've done the music thing, and then it went sour...and I'm not..." he was pleading.

"Please...just take my card...you have the voice of an angel..." Imagine that. God it's hard to say no to him.

"I..."I took his card, and he nodded.

"Thanks, Julie..."he said softly, and left, looking almost defeated. I leant against the wall, staring after him worriedly. Should I really open this can of worms? I'd managed to stay away for seven months. And what would hurt to go back? As long as they didn't know I was me?

Only time would tell.

So? Uhm...you likey? 

Let me know or I shalt not continue.


	3. tissue warning two chapters in one

Just as a warning...this may make you cry.  
I'm going to TRY to make you cry.

(at least during the dream…muahahha)

6 months and one day previous.

When I woke up, it was to a bright light in my face and a numbing pain across my side. I glanced down to see nothing wrong. In fact, I was unmarked by blemishes I'd seen from the car accident earlier. My hand felt empty, probably because of the lack of warmth provided by Mason's hand. Which made me realize he wasn't holding my hand any longer.

"Mason?" I breathed, and sat up, amazed to feel no pain whatsoever. I glanced around the room, taking in the white flowers in glass vases; the simplistic white furniture, although it was plush, and the white walls. This place was way too bright. I glanced down at what I was wearing and realized I was in a white gown, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you think this is a little cliche?" I asked, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Do you think it's cliche?" someone asked, and walked into the room.

She had dark brown hair, and familiar eyes, which scanned me critically.

"You were hard to fix...car accidents..." she trailed off, glancing away from me.

"What?" I asked quizzically, laying back and staring at the ceiling. I simply refused to believe I was dead. There was no way. I wasn't even eighteen...and I'd never get the chance to tell Tommy how i felt. And I'd never get to hear him say he felt the same way. As much as I knew it was true already.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" she asked suddenly, and I turned to stare at her.

"Thinking about who?" I asked her skeptically. Her response made me stop dead in my tracks.

"My brother..."she said simply, her arms across her chest.

"Your...Tommy's..."

"I'm Aubrey...Aubrey Laferriere..."she shook my hand lightly, and sat next to me on the bed.

"Why did they send you?" I asked her lightly, and she glanced up at me.

"I asked to talk to you when I found out you'd..."she let the unfinished sentence hang in the air as she took a breath," Tommy and you were really close...he talked about you all the time and I'd never gotten to meet you...I wanted to help you choose..." I frowned.

"Choose?" I said numbly.

I forced myself to listen as she explained the terms. That it wasn't my time. That I could go back. But I couldn't go back as me...they could never find out I was Jude...

"But you can help him...he'll find out in the morning..."she said in argument, and I sighed.

"He's the reason I took off in that stupid car! He as good as killed me Aubrey...and I know you love him..."

"You love him..." she said in her defense.

"I..."I couldn't say it wasn't true. She smiled.

"Do you want to talk to him?" she asked, and I glanced at her in shock.

"I...how??" I asked softly, and she grabbed my hand.

"He's asleep...it would have to be through a dream..."she said, and I didn't think for a moment before nodding.

"Just think you want to leave when you want to...he'll stay asleep as long as you talk to him..."she said gently, and I nodded, bracing myself for what was to come.

He was dreaming, obviously, sitting in the recording booth watching some hazy image of me sing. I was unreachable.

"Hi..."I breathed, and his head shot up, catching sight of me.

"Jude?" he said, confused, and I put a finger to his lips.

"Can I do something?" I asked him, and he nodded, confused, when I leant over and let our lips touch lightly.

"Jude...this can't work..."

"You're not wrong..."I said softly, fighting back tears and facing myself in the recording booth. I looked so happy. It was like I was mocking myself. I bit my lip, and felt him come up behind me. I tensed, and he noticed.

"Girl...what's going on?"

"You can't blame yourself...whatever happens tomorrow..."I said shakily, and I saw him frown in the reflection of the glass. I reached out and touched his reflection lightly.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.

"I'm memorizing you..." I breathed, and his eyes narrowed.

"What's going on...you're not telling me something..." he said harshly, and I gnawed at my lip.

"Mason should call you any second.." I said, motioning to his phone.

"You're scaring me..."he said softly, and turned around to face him, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"You should be scared this is the last time I'll ever..."I covered my mouth. I'd said too much.

"What do you mean?"

"Tommy...don't blame yourself...I made the choice...okay?" I whispered, my hands trailing over his cheek gently. He closed his eyes at my touch.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked me softly, and I nodded, leaning forwards and kissing him gently, my arms winding around his neck. 

"Jude?"

"Hmmmm?" I breathed, resting my head against his chest.

"I lo-"

"I know, Tommy..."I said, and glanced down as I vanished, ending up back in the room, tears streaming down my face.

"Are you okay?" Aubrey asked, and I shot her a look, walking towards the door.

"Send me back..."I breathed, and she nodded.

"Don't hurt him...give him time...okay?" she'd said, and I'd nodded, intent on staying away from all of them. It was for the best.

What a way to eat my words. I stared up at GMajor studios in trepidation. Here I was, at my old home. About to enter into something I'd sworn over and over again to stay away from. There was always that little voice in the back of my head repeating that I could never live without the rush of recording in my life. So I pushed open the heavy doors to the reception area, and walked up to Sadie, who was busy at her desk. At least she still had a job.

Before I even got there, Kwest came up and kissed her cheek, and Sadie practically glowed with happiness. Good for them. It had been seven months, and I needed them to move on. It made me so happy to see her smiling again.

"Hi...how can I help you..."she said, smacking Kwest's hand away as he reached for her shoulder, sharing a smile with him as he walked back off to the studio, turning to face me.

"Um...I have a meeting with Darius Mills...I'm supposed to record a demo..."I told her, wringing my hands nervously.

"You can go right on in..."she pointed to the intricate doors i knew so well already, and I nodded, swallowing thickly.

I tripped before I got there, and winced,sitting up and accepting the hand that was offered to me. It was Mason.

"Those stairs can be a little tricky...you hurt anything?" he asked me, and I shook my head, looking him over.

"No...thanks for helping me up...I'm Julie...Julie Mikeals..."I stuck my hand out to shake his hand gently, and he glanced at me in wonder.

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Nope..."I said simply, flashing him a smile,"But I saw you on Instant Star last year..."

"Yeah...it's certainly been a ride since then...good luck with your meeting Julie...I have to get in and record..."he smiled at me, and walked into Studio A, shutting the door and grabbing his guitar, exchanging diolauge with Kwest, who was bent over the soundboard, deep in concentration.

So apparently not that much had changed. I could hear yelling before I got to the door.

"I don't want to produce anyone else, D...I don't want to get attached to anyone else...ever again..."his voice was hoarse, and I froze.

"Just try a demo with her...Jamie said you wouldn't have to do a lot of work...she's trained really well..."I stood outside of the door awkwardly, thinking about what was going on inside.

"Just do this for me...in pennace for taking off for seven months...she'd want you to move on...she wouldn't want you to sit here and blame yourself for this.."Darius pleaded, and I sighed.

"You can go in, can't you? I don't have all day either..."someone said, rather rudely,and I turned to face her, my eyes scanning her critically.

"Who are you?" we asked at the same time. And Ms. Attitude put her hands on her hips, saying nothing. Maybe part of getting a new start was being more nice? I could at least try and be nice.

"I'm Julie Mikeals, I'm recording a demo..and you..." I stated, glancing at the door again, the yelling had escalated. This was going to end badly.

"The latest Instant Star...Karma..." she didn't offer her hand. Man I would have shot her if I was still alive. She looked like some cross between Brandy, Toni Braxton, and that lead singer from the Pussycat Dolls. I could tell we weren't going to get along.

"Do you only have one name? Because the other two winners had..." I asked her quizzically, knowing I was probably pissing her off.

"Just one...what makes you so special?" she asked, as the door whizzed open and someone barrelled into me, apparently on their way out. What they didn't anticipate was falling on top of me, our faces inches apart.

"Um..." Oh my God I can't breathe. He's right on top of me. After seven months. Our eyes met, as Karma's scanned us critically.

"Quincy...I see you've met the new girl..." Karma said, obviously jealous.

"God I am so sorry..."he muttered, not moving, and I stifled a laugh.

"It's okay, I've fallen down twice in the last two seconds...I bet I broke a record or something..."he laughed softly.

"Uhm...Tommy...we have to record..." Karma said impatiently, and he rolled his eyes.

"Let me help you up..." he leant back, and grabbed my hands, glancing back up at me.

"Thanks..."I breathed, still pretty close to him, oblivious to everything else in the room.

"Um...Quincy...Little Tommy Q..." Oh no she did not. He turned around, and stared her down.

"You're recording with Kwest in two hours...I have a demo to make with..."

"Julie...I'm Julie..."I stuttered. God he always turned me into an idiot. She stomped off in a huff, and I glanced after her, a wry smile on my face.

"Want to get started?" he asked me, and I nodded, grabbing my notebook and following him into Studio B. This would definitely be interesting.

So? Eh? Good, horrible? Awful? Crappy?

Let me know.

Jena


	4. Chapter 4

A new Day, A new life-

Chapter four (technically five..but who cares that I put two chapters in the last update!)

Alright-Thanks to all my reviewees, first and foremost…

Especially Melliebaby (DLS), Tanya (here and DLS), and Undiscovered(DLS), Jude-And-Tommy-4ever-Summer-day, lileigh760, Scott4eva, Nessalyn, Lizzy, Petite Quiet Harrison, My Passionate Musician, Charley, and Singer154! You guys rock! Rockin' my socks off! And the tons of people who have reviewed on DLS, because on there this story has gotten so many responses.

To those of you who PMed me, and were brave enough to ask for answers, I gave them to the best of my ability…lol.

But anyways, I don't own instant star. I do, however, own the song in this chapter, so please don't use it without proper credit or asking me first. 

Thankee! Love, read, review!

Jena

"So, show me what you've got, girl..."he said simply, that smile I'd obsessed over during the years I'd known him lighting up his face. He stared at my back as I sat down at the piano, my hands running over the keys, memories playing in my mind. The time that we were recording "Not Standing Around", fights, the hugs, the awkward silences, after my sixteenth birthday. His voice snapped me out of my trance.

"Ok you ready?" he asked me gently, and i nodded, swallowing thickly.

"Okay.."I confirmed, looking up to meet his eyes through the glass, and took a deep breath,"This is skips..."I informed him, and he nodded, intrigued, resting his chin on his palm, his eyes boring into mine.

When I finished, he stared at me in silence, obviously perplexed. Jeez. I wasn't that bad. I mean, I was a little out of practice, but that couldn't mean...

"I'll have Darius draw up a contract for you..."he said finally, and I nodded, my mind spinning. Was I making the right choice?

"Most people are more excited about this, you know...the whole record deal thing..."Tommy told me a few days later, as I stared at the paper with trepidation. There was certainly no going back after this. I shrugged, and reached for the pen, our hands barely brushing. He tensed, staring at me strangely.

"Sorry..."he said softly, and I met his eyes again, leaning in front of him to date my signature, our eyes locked on eachother the whole time. This was so incredibly wrong. 

We broke apart quickly when Darius came into the room, a somber smile on his face.

"welcome to the family..."he said, shaking my hand warmly,"You can meet Tommy and Mason at 2 in studio one...that okay?" I nodded, hearing myself thanking him dimly.

I was almost to the door when he grabbed my arm. I winced, and turned to face him, putting on a soft smile.

"Hey..."I told him, raising an eyebrow, and Mason, who was sitting on a nearby chair, stifled a laugh behind his hand.

He was already infatuated with me and I wasn't even trying to get his attention.

"What are you doing for lunch?" he asked me suddenly, and my heart dropped into my stomach.

"Eating?" I questioned uneasily, and a giggle broke through my sister's lips, who was at the reception desk.

"He doesn't get turned down a lot, does he?" I asked Sadie, who shook her head, grabbing her purse.

"Kwest and I are going to lunch though...you guys want to come?"she asked me brightly, sticking out her hand, "I'm Sadie Harrison..."

"Julie..."I said, shaking her hand and smiling at her, and glanced over at Tommy.

"Shall we?" I asked him, and he nodded, following us out to the car.

"Watch the paint, jesus Kwest..."he said to Kwest, who was leaning against Tommy's Hummer, and stared at me questioningly.

"I'm Julie...sorry...I'm new..."I apologized, shaking his hand briefly.

"Kwest..."he responded, and Sadie smiled at me, crawling in the backseat with Kwest, which left me to the front with Tommy.

When we were seated at the resteraunt, Tommy turned to me, curious.

"So how come you knew how to use the mics without me asking?" he asked, and I shrugged, trying to be non-chalant.

"My parents had a recording studio in our house...I grew up in there..."I lied, sharing a smile with him as I dug into my salad, glancing over at Sadie out of the corner of my eye.

She looked so much happier. It would tear me up if they were all miserable without me here.  
They were moving on. And in some way, that was tearing me up too.

"You ready?" he asked me, and I sighed, glancing down at the silver journal I'd purchased apon my return, waiting for inspiration to strike.

"Come on, brain..."I muttered, agitated, waiting for inspiration.

_Like a stranger  
On the outside lookin in  
Coming back doesn't fit  
Feels like a long sort of sin  
My memories fade they begin to get dim  
I wish that you would let me back in_

Like something you do but you don't want to speak  
Afraid you'll come off wrong afraid you'll be meek  
Searching for those words I've been longing to say  
I wish that I could find a way

To say-  
I missed you  
To say-  
It's history this thing dismissed  
To hear-  
Your voice say  
You feel-  
The same way

The things you dream about just wont come true  
Rare when they do

I see you smile  
I break inside  
I wish that I  
Had the strength to try  
To be happy you're okay  
That you didn't shy away

Faced the pain  
Didn't go insane  
Forgot the hurt  
Stuck around to see it through  
Searching for those words I've been longing to say  
I wish that I could find a way

To say-  
I missed you  
To say-  
It's history this thing dismissed  
To hear-  
Your voice say  
You feel-  
The same way

The things you dream about just wont come true  
Rare when they do

I want to scream to yell out loud  
To say I'm so beautiful broken  
Stuck between now and yesterday  
My fears wont seem to go away

To say-  
I miss you  
I hear your voice-  
It comes through  
You've moved on I know  
It's not hard to show  
You're hurts finally gone  
Then why do i feel so wrong?

You've accepted I'm gone

"There..."I said softly, passing it to him, and he scanned over the lyrics, his brow furrowed.

"That's good...really good actually...how would you split it?" he asked me, and I glanced over at Mason, who was watching me write with interest.

"How about I sing this, and you sing these parts...and we split the chorus but sing the last one together?" I asked him quickly, and he nodded.

"So let's think of a beat..." Mason started, grabbing his guitar, staring at me, confused.

This was going to be a long day.

EH!

You see that little drop down menu below you?

The one with the button that says go on it

And has submit review!

You can do that…if you want

Haha.


	5. You can't live not feeling

A New Day, A New Life

Jena Rink

October 31, 2006

I don't own instant star.

Nor do I own Michelle Branch's goodbye to you-

yeah.

read and review!

Peace. It's about to get way confusing.

I'm tempted to give you a double update.

But I already did, this is two chapters in one.

haha.

Enjoy

jena

"You look beat..."Sadie commented, and I glanced up, wiping my bangs out of my forehead.

"He's a slave driver...it's eleven thirty at night on a Sunday!"I complained quietly, watching Quincy pour over the duet Mason and I had recorded earlier that day.

"You're good for him though..."Sadie remarked, and I looked at her, pretending to be confused.

"In what way, exactly?" I asked, and she shrugged, playing with the ring on her finger. It was mine. I fought back a comment. She was probably wearing it to feel closer to me.

"He hasn't looked at a girl since Jude..."she trailed off, wringing her hands again.

"He loved her, didn't he?"I asked bluntly, and she glanced up, shocked.

"How'd you know?"she finally said, and I shrugged.

"He gets this look in his eyes...and I've only known him for a few days...but I've lost people too...I recognize it..."I said quietly, my eyes focusing on him. He yelled out an expletive, and changed the settings on the board, Sadie laughing softly.

"You wanna go out or something?" she asked me suddenly, and I shrugged.

"Why not..can Mason..."she nodded.

"Of course...it's just getting a little stuffy in here, and Quincy doesn't need you to watch him mixing your song, you know?" I nodded.

"Let me just get my jacket..."I told her, and walked back into the studio. We'd been working on the duet for almost a week now, and Tom had barely opened up to me since I'd written the song.

"Hey...Sadie and I are going to go out and get a drink or something...9 tomorrow?"I asked him, uncomfortable.

"Yeah..."he said, his voice shaky, and I sat next to him.

"Are you okay?"I asked, and he turned to face me, his gaze cold.

"You don't even know me..."he said back, without a beat, and I flinched. This was the worst feeling in the world, being shut out by him.

"I've gone through it too..."I said quietly, pausing at the door, and he turned around, getting up and walking towards me.

"But you don't know a thing about this...about how I feel...so don't come in here and try and cheer me up...don't try and make it better because it's NEVER going to be better...don't try and make me okay with this because I can't forget her and I wont!" he burst out, and my eyes teared up.

"You can't live your life not feeling..."I told him quietly, and he pressed me against the door. Sadie was in the lobby, thank God she didn't see any of it.

"I can't feel...not anymore..."he said harshly, his hands on my arms, and I winced.

"Tommy, you're hurting me.."I breathed, and he flinched.

"That's all I ever do..."he remarked, and dropped my arms, "I'll see you in the morning...9..."

I frowned as he walked over to the soundboard, kicking a box laying there.

"Julie, you coming?" Sadie called, and i sighed.

"You're not the only one that's had a shitty life okay?" I finally said, and he glanced up, opening his mouth to respond. But I didn't give him a chance to. I just met Sadie and Mason in the lobby, faked a smile, and followed them out the door, listening to their conversation while my mind was somewhere else. If everyone else had moved on why hadn't he? Was it possible that he actually loved me?

The next morning I walked into the studio carelessly, tossing my coat on an empty chair and plopping on the couch, my head in my hands. I just didn't realise he was on the couch.

"Ahhhh!" we both yelled, and I fell on the floor, wincing.

"Julie?" he asked, obviously disoriented, and I sighed.

"You slept in the office?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"When I can't get my mind off of things...I work..."he said tiredly, running a hand through his hair,"Listen..about yesterday..."I cut him off, not wanting to hear it. Because as much as I didn't want everryone else to mourn me, there was this inner conflict of whether or not he should. He'd said he loved me, and there was no question I loved him back. Espeically now.

"It doesn't matter..."I told him simply, and he sighed.

"Julie...it does...you were trying to help...I just get caught up in it...it's my fault..."he said honestly, and I glanced over at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"I left her the night before it happened...and I was long gone before I knew..."he said quietly, and I sighed.

"She wouldn't blame you for that..."I said suddenly. God, what was I thinking? I couldn't tell him how I felt because then he would KNOW it was me, and that certainly couldn't happen. Not at all. I sighed, and leant against the front of the couch, closing my eyes.

"I know...I know she wouldn't...she'd be so damned stubborn...blaming herself...the car...the drunk driver...Liam..anyone but me..." He knew me too well.

"I don't have any family..."I said suddenly, and he turned to stare at me.

"Julie..."he started, and I shook my head.

"I was really little...it was a train wreck...so I grew up going to boarding schools, and here I am..."I said quietly, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry..."he said, moving over on the couch, and I moved to join him.

"You got a new song for me?" he asked, and I nodded, grabbing the guitar next to the couch and avoiding his eyes. This was difficult. The song was about him. It was like the words had flowed last night...aided by my intoxication. I didn't hold anything back. And it was beautiful. But it was sacred.

"Of all the things I believed in..."I sang softly, "I just wanna get it over with, tears from behind my eyes, but I do not cry...counting the days that pass me by..." I strummed out a chorus, and he stared at me in wonder.

"I've been searching deep down in my soul...words that I'm hearing are starting to get old...feels like I'm starting all over again...the last three years were just pretend...and i said..." I glanced at my hands as I strummed the chorus, focusing.

"Goodbye to you..."I sang,"Goodbye to everything that i knew...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on to..." I kept playing, anything to keep my eyes off him.

"I still get lost in your eyes...and it seems, that I can't live a day without you...closing my eyes, and you'll chase the thoughts away...to a place where I am blinded by the light...but it's not right..."I whispered, fighting back tears, lost in the emtion of the song.

"Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything that I knew...you were the one thing that I loved..the one thing that I tried to hold on to..." I sang softly.

"Oh..."

"And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.."

_I want you to love me. That's all I wanted. And now I want you to move on. It's not fair. None of this is fair...it'll never be fair again. Because I lost you. _

"I want whats yours and I want whats mine..I want you, but I'm not giving in this time..." I sang mournfully, my head bent down.

"Goodbye to you...goodbye to everything that I knew...you were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to...Goodbye to you...Goodbye...Goodbye to everything that I knew...Goodbye to you...You were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on to...the one thing that I tried to hold on to...the one thing that I tried to hold on to.." I quietly strummed the end of the song.  
"Oh.."

"The one thing that I tried to hold on to..." I whispered shakily, and took a deep breath.

"And when the stars fall I will lie awake...you're my shooting star..." I breathed, and glanced up to him for approval. He was staring at me in shock, his mouth slightly open.

"That was gorgeous, girl..."he said softly, blinking back tears.

Damnit. I just made him think about me more. I hope the message got across. This cryptic thing was really starting to annoy me.

And 6 hours later, we had a song.

"Another hit...you're just cranking them out aren't you?" he asked me, and I shrugged, blushing.

"Julie..I..." the door opened, and we both turned to face Mason.

"Um...Tommy...Jude's mom just got back from Europe..."he said softly, and I froze. My mom didn't know I was dead? Oh you have got to be kidding me.

"Why should I talk to her?" Tommy asked, his face cold.

"She wants to do a benefit...with artists singing her songs...for victims of drunk driving...and I thought.."he nodded.

"That's a good idea..."he said finally,"She in the conference room?" Mason nodded, uncomfortable, and Tommy squeezed my shoulder softly.

"I think we're done for today, Jules..."he said, and I nodded tiredly, watching him leave the room.

"Are you okay?" I asked Mason suddenly, and he shrugged, tears evident in his eyes.

"She left her, you know?" I pretended like I didn't,"All of us left her...her mom got remarried..her did was never around...Sadie was getting into Kwest...I was on tour...and Tommy left for Montana...but I was there..."he sunk onto the couch, and I glanced over at him.

"I held her hand..."he got out, tears rolling down his cheeks,"I saw her realise this was it...that it was over...and I can't just let her mother walk back in here and act like she cares..."he stated crying, and I reached over, hugging him tightly, my hands running across his back.

"Mason...Jude loved you...I'm sure she loved you..."here I was again, trying to play me and not be me.

"I know...she got me...more than anyone else here...and now that she's gone..."I hugged him tighter.  
"I think i get you..."I said softly, and he nodded.

"You do..."he countered, and I smiled softly.

"Will you sing? At the benefit?" he asked, and I nodded without thinking.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Mason..."I said quietly, and he nodded.

"Thank you..."he breathed, and hugged me against him.

Okay-thats the next part!


	6. The Benefit

This is a little confusing. Just to warn you.  
But I love it. So I hope you do too!

A New Day, A New Life  
The Benefit  
Jena Rink  
I had a hard time with this. It took me a couple of hours. Let me know.   
Jena  
ps- I don't own white lines or the characters.   
And...pps- the italics are Jude's thoughts...or dreams...or whatever..because the italicized section at the end is meant to confuse you a little...I'm not going to say what that is  
Review this and I'll post more.

I sighed, glancing at my reflection on the mirror, pushing my hair back over my ears and scanning my reflection nervously. I paused when Portia came in the door. I'd been borderline throwing up for almost a week thinking about this. Singing in front of a crowd again. Just me. Of course, they didn't know it was me. "You look beautiful..."she said honestly, and I blushed, messing with my hair,"You think? Because I..."

The door opened, and we both glanced up to see Tommy. He looked, at the most, distraught, and froze in his tracks when he saw me.

"Jules...you look great..."he said honestly, and I frowned.

"But how are you, are you okay?"he nodded, glancing out at the audience.

"It's amazing how many of them out there care about her, you know?"he said quietly, and I nodded.

"Just have a seat you two...you'll be called up when it's your turn to perform..."we nodded, and went to sit together in the front row.

"Tommy?" I asked him, just before the lights went down, and he sighed.

"Thanks...for helping me..."I said quietly, and he grabbed my hand in his, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

"Anytime..."he said softly, our eyes locking.

"Thanks..."I breathed, glancing down at my navy blue evening gown, which went straight to the floor, and back up at myself, swallowing thickly.

"You'll do amazing..."Portia assured me later, as I prepared for my entrance,"Jude would have liked you..."Well this is ironic.

"Thanks...Portia..."I breathed, walking out with Mason, who kissed my cheek lightly before walking over to the piano. I was closing the benefit, and I was nervous as hell.

It was like saying goodbye to myself. I didn't have anyone to talk to about this. But it was like I was finally gone. And this was me saying goodbye.

My eyes were lined in navy blue and silver, and the rest of my makeup was light, my hair free and curly about my face.

Naturally Portia had set up all the esthetics, and I did look beautiful. What a way to say goodbye to yourself.

"Uhm...I never got the chance to meet Jude..."I said quietly into the mic softly,"But from the way she touched everyone around her, from my new producer, to my friends, I can tell she was an amazing person.."I said softly,"This was the last song she ever recorded...and...I'm going to try to do it justice...just remember that she was an amazing woman, friend, and artist...and that she shouldn't have had to go. It wasn't her time...thank you..."I put the mic back, and nodded to Mason, who started to play. I closed my eyes, and started to sing.

"I've tried to tell you, I've got to get away..."

I could see him in the audience, his eyes boring into me.

"I tried to say, I need my space..."

His head was cocked to the side, when he called me girl, when he kissed me, when he looked in my eyes like that.

"I've got to get some, distance in between...my heart and my head...I'm on the razor's edge...I've...been here before...I know the way..."

I could tell he was falling for me. But what was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to handle this? Handle being with him and knowing I was that forgettable? That he was moving on? And the selfish thing was the only person I wanted him to move on with was me. And just me.

"White lines, and headlights in my eyes...White lines...I'm ready to drive all night...White lines...how many till I'm in your arms...White lines...will bring me...Home...hmmmm...lines are bringing me home..."I took a long breath, glancing at Mason, who nodded at me.

Tommy had disappeared. Jamie was smiling at me sadly, and I sighed, continuing.   
"I held you in, my arms last night...I dreamed we were riding on a star..." Was he okay? I couldn't stop thinking if he was okay. My parents were actually crying. I'd never seen them cry. Not ever.

"I kissed you and the sun began to shine...In dreams I can do anything it..."  
Like that dream. When I told him. God was he all I could think about right now?

"Seems like...I'm all alone...seems like...I'm losing it all..."

And I was alone. I couldn't talk to anyone about this. Anyone at all.

"White lines...and headlights in my eyes...White lines I'm ready to drive all night...White lines...how many till I'm in your arms..White lines...will bring me.."

Headlights in my eyes was the last thing I saw before it happened.

"Seems like...I've been here before...I know the way...Oh..."

"Seems like...I've been on my own so long...so long..."

I don't know how much longer I can take this. "White lines...and headlights in my eyes...White lines...I'm ready to drive all night...White lines...how many till I'm in your arms...white lines...will bring me...home...oh...lines will bring me home..."

"Oh...oh oh...Oh oh...oh...Home..."I finished the song slightly, to enthusiastic applause, and set the mic back on it's stand, walking off the stage, my breath short.

I heard soft crying, and frowned, tracing the source of the noise. When I saw Tommy bent over, crying into his hands, my breath caught in my throat.

"God...I'm sorry...I'll..."he glanced up, and tried to stop crying.

"I as good as killed her..."he confessed softly, and I swallowed.

"Tommy I'm sure she doesn't think that..."his head snapped up, and I flinched at the look of misery on his face.

"Stop talking about her like she's still here "he burst out, and I put my hands on his shoulders gently.

"Tommy...calm down..."I breathed, my forehead against his.

"I don't think I can..."he said back, our eyes locked.

Before I knew what he was doing he was kissing me. Tommy was kissing me. 

Oh God...I've gotta stop him...I've got to...I just can't...

He pushed me against the wall, and I moaned softly, pulling him closer.

What the HELL was I doing?

"Tommy..."I moaned softly, pushing him away, tears in my eyes, and turned away from him, my arms crossed over my chest, trying to control my breathing. 

"What's wrong?" he asked me, still looking like a wreck, his nose running and his eyes red. I glanced at my feet, and he sighed.

"We're at a benefit for the girl that you were in love with And she died..."I said softly, wringing my hands.

Was it possible to love the kiss and hate him for getting over me? Was it? Because I was quickly getting there.

"Julie...you...you see the real me...before you came along Jude was the only one..."Tommy said, kneeling in front of me.

"You're in love with someone that's not here...you don't want me Tommy..."I told him softly.

"I see her in you..."he confessed quietly, tracing my cheekbone, and I closed my eyes.

"You can't..."I breathed, fighting the turmoil within myself, sighing when he kissed my cheek softly.

"Just give me a chance..."he said quietly, and I sighed.

"I..."I stuttered.

What the hell was I supposed to say? Get over me, and be with me? He needed this. Hell. I needed this. And that's where judgement lost it, and I found myself kissing him again, my arms around his neck. His kisses were like a drug. I'd missed them. And funnily enough, the only thing keeping me from going all the way with Tommy, was ironically, me. 

"Tommy? Quincy, are you back here?"we broke apart, panting heavily, and he pointed to his phone.

I nodded, and watched him walk off, my brain muddled.

"Have you seen Tommy?" Sadie asked, and I pointed numbly back towards the dressing rooms, not meeting her eyes.

She left me alone, and I sat on the couch near the wings of the stage, my head in my hands. 

I had to get to the after party. I had to get my mind off of this.

I saw Mason, and ran to catch up to him, we were in a limo together.  
"Hey, Mace...can you wait up?" I asked, sliding into the car next to him, and he shot me a look.

"Sorry I didn't feel like waiting, Julie...I didn't realize that you'd be too busy locking lips with Tommy to notice I was there..."he said simply, and my eyes widened.

"Mason...it's not...what it looks like..."I started weakly, and he laughed softly.

"Really? Because he'll just use you..."Mason said simply, and I scoffed.

"Well he loved Jude, didn't he?"

"And you're just like her " he said, annoyed, and I sighed.

Well imagine that.

"And that means he hasn't changed, Mason?" I asked him angrily.

"You know...Jude used to say things like that before Quincy left her, she had a nervous breakdown, and she died "he said, and I threw my hands up.

"God why are you talking about her like this?" I asked him,"You think she can't hear you?"

"She's dead " he yelled back, clearly angry, and I lost it.

"Well maybe I'm not, Mason " I said before I could stop myself, and covered my mouth.

"What did you just say?" he asked slowly.

Before I could respond I heard honking. And before I knew it I heard the familiar sound of crunching metal. Something I'd become accustomed to. Oh God. I was going to die again. We were going to die. He reached out and found my hand, and squeezed it tightly as the car flipped, both of us thrown against the ceiling of the car.

I dimly heard myself cry out, and felt blood on my forehead. Mason was laying against me, both of pressed against one of the windows of the car.

"Mason?" I croaked shakily, and he squeezed my hand tightly, not responding.

"Mason? Answer me..."I whispered, panicking, feeling consciousness slip away.

When I woke up, it was to a bright light in my face.

"Her conditioned got better a week ago..her heart rate went up, and there's a better chance she'll wake up...but if she doesn't in the next few weeks..."

I groaned. What the hell was going on? The car accident? Mason? Kissing Tommy...Ow...I feel like I haven't moved in MONTHS...

"Ugh..."I groaned softly, reaching a hand up and realizing it was hooked to an iv and a heart rate monitor.

"Not again..."I mumbled angrily.

"Jude?" I groaned, and rolled over, facing Mason, who was leant over the bed, his cowboy hat lopsided. Wait a minute...

"Mason? What are you doing?" I asked him lazily, my vision hazy,"The accident..."

"What were you doing skipping out on your release party?" he asked me, concerned, and I saw my dad in the doorway, tears prickling at my eyes.

"Daddy?" I asked, my voice borderline hysterical, and he walked towards the bed. "Hey, sweetie..."he breathed gently, brushing my bangs out of my forehead.

"Wha-what happened?" I asked hoarsely.

"You were in an accident honey..."

"I know that..."I reiterated,"The drunk driver...where's Tommy?" I asked softly, and Mason frowned.

"I'll call him, okay?"Mason said quietly, and I sighed, nodding.

"What...happened?"I asked again, needing to know.

"Honey...you've been asleep for ten months..."my eyes widened.

"Mason, you held my hand, don't you..." a sharp spurt of pain ran across my head, and I winced, crying out softly. What was happening?

"Jude, are you okay?" Mason asked, and I felt my vision start to slip.

"I...don't...oh...god..."I whispered, as another flash of pain occurred, shutting my eyes tightly,"Get Tommy, Mason..."I told him softly,"Tommy'll...I need...ahhh..."I whispered.

"Honey...try and stay with us...you'll be okay..."my dad said again, his eyes widened.

"I'll get the doctor..."Mason said, and squeezed my hand, shooting from the room.

"Ugh..."I groaned, and felt my vision slip away.


	7. Chapter 7

A New Day, A new life

Updated 11/24/06

Jena Rink

I don't own instant star

Sorry Its been so long.

When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed again. And this time, everything was as it should be. Or was it? I had NO idea what was going on. None at all.

"God you scared us..."Sadie said softly, her hand over mine.

"What happened?" I questioned, squinting at the lights.

"You got hit by a trunk...the driver lost control..."Sadie explained.

"Mason?"she sighed.

"I'll ask the doctor if you can go see him..."she finally said, and met Tommy at the door.

"Watch over her for me..."Sadie told him, squeezing my hand before she left, Tommy coming over to sit next to me.

"Hey, girl..."he said softly, and I noticed he was still in his suit and tie.

"Hi..."I whispered, staring up at him.

"I was so scared I'd lose you too..."he finally said, and leant over, hugging me tightly.

"I'm right here, Tommy..."I assured him softly, breathing in his scent.

What was real and what was fake, anymore? And where was Mason? I still didn't have the answers I needed.

"Sorry if I was interrupting something..."Sadie said strangely from the door, and I frowned, pulling away from Tommy, our eyes locking again.

"I'm glad you're okay, girl...I'll come see you in the morning, okay?" he asked, and I frowned.

"No...Stay...both of you stay...I don't wanna be alone right now..."I felt the pain in my head, and froze.

"Okay...that's...are you okay?" Sadie asked, and I glanced at Tommy, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Tommy?" I asked quietly, and he frowned.

"Julie are you okay?"he asked softly, and I fought back tears, consciousness slipping away again.

_ "Tommy..."I groaned, and felt a hand across mine._

"Shhhhh..."he soothed softly, his hand running across mine.

"Tommy?"I asked again, opening my eyes, my vision swimming into focus to see him sitting next to me.

"Hey, girl..."he said softly, his head cocked to the side, and I smiled.

"Tommy you're back..."I said quietly, and he kissed my forehead.

"Mason told me you wanted to see me...I got down here as soon as I can...how's your head?"he asked gently, and I shrugged.

"It's been better..."I responded, trying to sit up and wincing.

"Don't push yourself..."he told me, and I sighed, glancing up at the ceiling, my eyes filling with tears.

"Why'd you leave?"I finally asked him. If I was here, I had to settle this. Even if it wasn't real.

"My sister..."

"Audrey..."I realised, my hand to my head, and he frowned.

"I never told you that...my sister's name..."he said, confused, and I sighed.

"She's beautiful Quincy...she has your eyes..."I said, my eyes half closed.

"She does...but I don't understand..."I shook my head.

"I'm sorry...I'm so tired...everything's so muddled...all I wanted to do was see you and now I have no idea what to say..."I said honestly, rubbing my temples.

"How about I start with the I'm sorry?"he asked me, our eyes locking.

"Okay..."I whispered, and he frowned.

"That's it?"

"I'm not going to waste my time pretending to hate you, Tommy...I could never do that...especially now..."I breathed gently, reaching up to brush a stray tear off of his cheek.

"I never wanted to walk out on our date..it was the last thing I wanted to do..."I nodded, wincing. "I know, Tommy..."I said simply, and he smiled softly.

"When did you grow up?"he asked me. Oh it would sound amazing, wouldn't it. I grew up when I died, but somehow I'm here again?

"I had a lot of time to think it over..."I remarked lightly, and winced as a headache shot through me, as if it was rocketing against my skull.

"Tom..."I got out softly, my eyes screwed shut again, and he grabbed both my hands.

"Just stay awake, girl...please..."

"I'm trying..."I whispered,

"Tommy?" I asked him, my vision fading.

"What is it?"

"Are you real?" I managed, as I was sucked back into whatever world I was in before, be it real or fake.


	8. double update!

_**DOUBLE UPDATE! WOOOOOSAH!**_

_A new Day, a new Life-  
next part-  
A flimsy, spur of the moment addition due to the PM's I've been getting about what is going on!  
lol. I know it's 4:24 am...lol.  
damn. It's early. or late? Man._

I don't own Instant Star, or the characters...just the plot I dreamed up in my quaint little noggin.

Oh, and it was brought to my attention that I said trunk instead of truck in the last chapter. and it made me laugh. you were hit by a trunk. lol. So I'm not changing it.

Anyways, I'm babbling incessantly.  
The chapter is not proofread. In fact, I'm going to write it right now.  
So don't get mad. I thought y'all would like at least somethin'.  
Jena 

"Julie?" I swam in and out of conciouness, my vision blurry again. Where was I? And what was going on? Things just kept on getting more and more complicated.

"Julie this is Doctor Mathers...can you hear me?" I managed a groan, and tried to sit up again, putting a hand to my head. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.

"Try and relax...you've been asleep for a few days now..."I frowned, opening my eyes all the way and squinting at the bright light. 

"Wha-why do I keep on passing out?" I asked him groggily, and he sighed, rustling paperwork around.

"There seems to be some damage from your head injury...it's affecting your conciouness.."he said, and started explaining options, I hardly heard him.

_Oh no, really? I had no idea._

"Julie?" Portia asked, poking her head in the door, and I managed a small smile.

"Hey, Portia..."I said, taking a sip of water, and sitting up weakly, leaning against the pillows. I really really hated hospitals at this point.

"Are you doing any better?" she asked, and I shook my head, confused.

"Everything's so muddled, you know?"I told her, and she sighed.

"We're on shifts...Darius wouldn't let us all stay here...Tommy and Sadie should be here around seven..."she told me, sitting in the vacant chair next to my bed.

"And Mason?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"He's stable...but still in a coma..."Portia supplied, and I sighed.

"We were fighting in the car...yelling at eachother...and then...it just...hit..."I breathed, trying desperately to remember the last moments. I'd told him. And I was still here? I didn't get it. Something was off. Something was way off.

"Oh, Jules it's not your fault...you know that..."she said, and sat next to the bed,"You did an amazing job with Jude's song, by the way..."she added, and I smiled softly.

"Thanks..."I said lightly, playing with the scratchy blue fabric of my blanket, my eyes unfocused.

"Are you okay?" she asked me, and I shook my head, tears pooling in my eyes. I accepted her hug, letting the tears fall, and we broke apart when Karma appeared in the doorway.

"Oh what a nice suprise..."I remarked, and Portia smiled softly.

"I'll be right back...Karma...you want anything?" she asked, and Karma shook her head.

"There's something going on with you..."she said, as soon as Portia had left the room, and I sighed.

"That's really what you came here to say to me?" I asked her skeptically, and she shrugged, sitting on the chair Portia had previously occupied, staring at my critically.

"There's something up with you, and I'm going to find out what it is..."she persisted.

"Are you just bitter that Tommy's tounge isn't down your throat?" I finally said, and she scoffed.

"Please..."she remarked, flipping her hair, and I was strongly reminded of Sadie on a power trip.

"Why don't you just give up? There's nothing wrong with me..."

"Oh there is...and I'm going to find out what it is..."she said sweetly, pausing in the doorway.

"You two have a nice chat?" Portia asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"You could say that..."I said lightly, watching Karma stomp off down the hallway.  
_  
This could be a potential problem. _

And that's the uneventful chapter.

Let me know.  
jena

_**HERES THE SECOND PART! WOOOOOT!**_

A New Day, A New Life  
I don't know if I should stay.  
Jena Rink  
I don't own instant star, and the lyrics from I don't know if I should stay that I blatantly jacked from the instant star promo.  
But I own the other stuff I added in, mmmkays?

**_Standing on a precipice  
Don't know which way to turn  
I thought that I was through with this  
This game of crash and burn_**

You throw two things in front of me  
A path that I must take  
You dangle hopes and dreams for me  
Don't know what choice to make  
But

A familiar Voice  
Makes it hard to make a choice  
I don't know if I should stay  
And I'll stand up on the ocean  
Look at all those things I've broken  
Say those words I was meant to say

An up a down I cannot choose  
I can't find the right words to say  
That ones to win And ones to lose  
I'm lost I can't find my way

I don't know what I should feel  
Here's my heart it's yours to steal  
Either way I've sealed the deal  
Locked it away, Tossed out the key  
Sent it back out to Sailing Seas  
But

A familiar voice  
Makes it hard to make a choice  
I don't know if I should stay  
And I'll stand up on the ocean  
Look at all those things I've broken  
Say those words I was meant to say

Hurt the ones I love  
It's become a game  
No matter what decision  
Things will never be the same

A familiar voice  
Makes it hard to make a choice  
I don't know if I should stay  
And I'll stand up on the ocean  


"What do you dream about?" Tommy asked me suddenly, and I glanced over at him, confused. We'd been alone in the hospital room for hours, it seemed like, eating the cheeseburgers he'd brought and watching black and white movies. He'd moved next to me on the bed at some point, and I was resting with my head on his chest.

"Hmmm?" I questioned, and he glanced down at me, a smile playing on his face.

"Well you talked…about my sister…and…"I cut him off, shaking my head slowly.

"That was a dream…"I muttered, slightly confused, and he frowned.

"Jude…."

"Hmmm…"I mumbled, glancing at him pensively.

"When you pass out…Jude…"he said quietly," It's so scary…it's like you've got this look on your face and I don't know what's going on inside your head…like you're torn…" Hi Mr. I know everything about me. Could you hit the nail on the head even more than you already have?

"To be honest I'm not so sure anymore…"I said, and closed my eyes tightly, leaning against him. My head hurt.

"What's going on in the movie right now…" I mumbled against his chest, and he took a deep breath before responding.

"Gorillas…"he responded evasively, and I snorted.

"Tommy, seriously…"I said, snuggling closer to him, our legs tangled together. Thank God Darius had paid for a high end hospital.

"Well maybe you could open your eyes…and I could tell you…"he laughed quietly, and I leant up, my eyes still closed, our noses touching.

"Nope…"I said softly, and he stroked my cheek softly.

"Yep…"he joked back, and I laughed quietly.

"Nope…"I whispered, and he pulled me closer.

"Yes…"he responded, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, his breath tickling my skin.

"N-"he cut me off, kissing me softly, and my eyes popped open in shock for a moment before I leant into it, my legs on either side of his waist.

I honestly thought we'd never be in this position again, let alone kissing at all.

I pulled away, resting my forehead against his, and he lifted my chin, staring into my eyes.

"Tommy. That…"he shook his head.

"We don't have to talk about it now…"he assured me, and I sighed, the familiar pricking at the back of my eyes.

"Tom…."

"Have you thought at all about the surgery?" he asked me quietly, his eyes almost desperate, and I sighed.

"I don't know…"I breathed, shaking my head.

"Jude I can't lose you again…."he started, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"You might have already lost me…"I said weakly, " You can't ask me to do this…" I added, massaging my temples.

"I'm not asking…I'm telling…"he said heatedly," Jude…"he grabbed my hands, "I lo-"

"Get off the bed…"I breathed hazily, my head hazy with pain.

"Jude…Jude…Girl answer me…please…"he whispered, climbing off the bed and pushing the panic button," Girl, come on…I love you….." He whispered in my ear, and a small smile slid across my face before I lost consciousness.

change

"Julie?" I groaned, shielding my eyes, and glanced up at Tommy.

"Déjà vu.."I muttered sleepily, and he frowned.

"What?"he said, grabbing my hand lightly in his, and I shook my head.

"Hi…"I whispered, and he ran his thumb across the top of my hand lovingly, tilting his head to the side.

"Hey, girl…"he breathed, sitting down on the side of my bed, "You feeling okay?"

"No…"I whispered, and he sighed.

"I know…the doctor's are doing everything they can…ok?" I nodded slightly, and he turned to the door.

"There's someone here to see you…"he told me, and I sighed.

"Tommy…don't leave…"I whispered, and he grinned.

"I'll be right outside…okay?" he promised, and I nodded sleepily, smiling when he kissed my hand.

"I'll see you in a while…"he whispered, and I heard the sounds of a wheelchair being rolled up to the bed.

"I'll leave you too alone..Mr. Fox..you know where the panic button is…"he nodded, his eyes boring into mine.

"Hi Mase…"I breathed shakily, coughing, and he sighed.

"No one knows, do they?" he asked me, grabbing both my hands as I tried to sit up. So he remembered. 

"They can't…"I said between cracked lips, and he nodded tiredly.

"How?"he asked, and I noticed tears in his eyes for the first time.

"Mason…don't cry…I'm right here…I swear…. "I whispered, and he shook his head.

"I…I was a pole bearer Jude…and you're sitting right in front of me…"he whispered, and I choked back a sob.

"Thanks for staying with me…"I breathed, and he nodded, squeezing my hands softly,"You didn't have too…"

"I wanted to…"he said quietly, chancing a glance at the door.

"Mason it wasn't supposed to happen like this…I don't…"I sighed, leaning back into the pillows again. My energy had been short lived as of late.

"You know he loves you, right? It's not like he knows…but he loves you…"Mason said tenderly, and I nodded, tears sliding down my cheeks.

"I know…I trust it but something…"

"What's off?" he asked me quietly, as Tommy reentered the room.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Mase…"I said, and smiled when he kissed my forehead.

"You're gonna be alright…either way…"he said, and I frowned.

"Mason, how did you…." The familiar headache was coming on, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"You have a choice to make…"he breathed. It was as if it wasn't him. Tommy frowned.

"Julie, what's he talking…"I cringed. He sounded so damned concerned. I wished for one second that things could be different.

"I…I have to go…"I whispered, my eyes squinted shut, and his eyes widened.

"Jewelz…what are you talking about…"he said, and I shook my head slightly.

"You'll find your way.."Mason told me,"No matter how crazy it gets…it'll work out…"

"I know…I said, my vision fading," That's why I trust it…" I gasped, and lost consciousness suddenly.

When I opened them again, she was staring at me.

"I'm going to show you both ways…"Aubrey said softly, and I frowned, staring at her.

"What?" I whispered, and she held out her hand.

"You have a choice to make…"she whispered.

_And suddenly, something made more sense.  
_  
**I really bet you're confused.  
Like the lyrics?  
I might multi fanfic them and use them in IS:3.**

Probably actually.

So don't take em.

Haha.   
Did you like it tho?  
Let me know.

Jena


	9. Plan A

1A Pictures Worth a Thousand Words

Plan A

Jena Rink

February 17, 2007

I don't own instant star :)

I gasped suddenly, and glanced around me. The scene. I remembered this. The bright lights, my flipped Mustang. The brief thoughts in my head that Darius just might murder me when he found out I was already near death and had totaled the car he'd just restored for me...all of it. And I could see myself. Laying there, on a stretcher, Mason over behind some tape, a hand over his mouth.

"Well what the hell do you want me to do?"Mason said into his phone a second later, dropping his hand and pacing.

"Mr. Fox...any news on Ju-" he turned his head, and I was frightened by the look in his eyes.

"No comment, and I swear to God if you ask me again..."he said, his voice shaking, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"What do I..."she cut me off.

"You watch...go on..."she pushed me forwards, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"I don't wanna watch this..."I whispered, and turned to face her. She was gone. And I was stuck.

"Damnit..."I whispered, fighting the urge to scream, and stared forwards, walking quickly towards my body. There was only one way to experience this the way I should. And before I knew it, I was laying down into my body, which was stretched out on a piece of concrete, someone over me with difribulator paddles.

You know those Twilight Zone-esque I can go in and out of my own body experiences. Try being stuck in your own body and not being able to do or say a damned thing. And trust me, I was trying. I was trying really hard. But I seriously thought I was dead. But something was different. Something was not the same.

"We're getting a response!" someone yelled, and his head shot up. He hadn't thought to call anyone until he knew for sure. And for some reason I knew that. I gasped, coughing. It literally felt like I had been slashed in half, but I glanced down, staring at my stomach, my eyes wide. It was a large cut, but nothing too serious, and I reached up and felt blood on my forehead, my eyes wide. I really really hated blood.

"Mason..."I whispered, glancing around me, and the EMT's eyes widened.

"She's breathing on her own...she's waking up...get that kid..."he ducked under the tape and ran over.

"Jude?" he breathed, and I sighed softly. It was almost as if I could remember it. Almost.

"Sir, I'm sorry, you can't..."

"He's coming with me...or I'm not going anywhere..."I found myself saying hoarsely, staring up at him.

"Jude..." he said softly, and I fought back tears.

"Mase can you call my dad? And Darius? And Liam? My sister?" I asked him softly, and he squeezed my hand.

"Yeah hun I'll get right on it..."he said quietly, and I nodded, closing my eyes tiredly.

"I'm so tired..."I whispered, and he grabbed both my hands.

"Just stay with me honey...stay with me..."he breathed, and I swallowed, my ears perking when I heard my cellphone ringing.

"Mason it's in my pocket..it's Tommy...that ring...could you..."he nodded, and picked it up, frowning.

"Hello?" he asked shakily, and I sighed.

"Mason, where the hell is Jude...she left me a thirty minute message and then her phone cut out..."Tommy's voice came over the speaker, and I groaned.

"That's a little... complicated..."Mason said, and I gasped as pain shot through my head.

"Mason..."I whispered urgently, motioning to the phone.

"Ms. Harrison you're gonna have to stay still...there's a shard of glass in your

stomach..."the EMT said, and I cried out, closing my eyes tightly.

"Mason you need to tell me what is going on right now!"

"Jude...was in an accident..."Mason said shakily, and I squeezed my eyes shut,"I'm in the ambulance with her, on the way to the hospital...and so help me Quincy if you aren't there within the next twenty-four hours..."

"My sister died..."he said, and Mason frowned.

"Tommy..."he said, and I frowned.

"Why'd he leave..."I whispered through cracked lips, and Mason sighed.

"Sweetie you're not ready to hear that..."he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Are you gonna let me talk to him? I'm not an idiot...I heard the doctors..."I said softly, and he handed me the phone wordlessly.

"Hello?" I questioned, my voice shaking, and winced as a spurt of pain rocketed across my skull, letting out a soft gasp as a reaction.

"Girl...are you okay?" he asked, and I blinked back tears.

"This coming from the asshole that said I have to go I don't know if I'll be coming back...I have a plane to catch...bye..."I said quietly, and he sighed.

"There's things going on...Jude..." he said, an edge to his voice.

"Where'd you go?" I asked him, and he sighed.

"I'm on layover...on my way to Montana...my sister..."he trailed off, his voice breaking, and I sighed.

"You could have said something!"I said quietly.

"You're supposed to be at your release party..."he whispered back, and I laughed quietly.

"I was unraveling...and you weren't here!" I breathed,"I didn't know what to do...so I took off...I obviously didn't get very far..."

"That's not funny, girl..."he said, and I sighed.

"Who are you hiding from?" I asked him, and he shook his head.

"The press...they've been following me..."

"Oh so we'll both be on the news tonight?"I asked, my voice hoarse.

"We're talking...you've gotta be alright if we can talk..."

"I got broadsided by a drunk driver...my car flipped three times...and I shouldn't be alive...you tell me if that's alright..."I said harshly, adrenaline fueling my body at that point. Adrenaline and anger.

"Ms. Harrison...you have to hang up the phone...we're going into the ER..."

"No..."I breathed, and Tommy made a noise in the back of his throat.

"Jude...what's going on?" he asked, and I fought back tears.

"Tommy you'll come back...won't you?" I asked, my breath catching in my throat.

"And we'll go on that date..."he whispered. I could hear him crying over the phone.

"And you won't walk out this time?" I asked, and he bit back a laugh.

"No...I'll be back...I promise...you just gotta hang in there...okay girl?" he said, his voice shaking.

"Ms. Harrison...the phone..." the EMT persisted, and I reached out, trying to slap his hand away, and wincing.

"Jude...what's going..." I cut him off.

"Just incase I never get to say this...I love you...I'm sorry I never said that..."I said quickly, and felt his shock through the phone line.

"Jude...I'll be back...I'll get on the next plane..."he whispered, and I bit back a cry when they reached for the phone.

"Ms. Harrison...give us the phone!"

"Tommy...I...I've gotta go...Mason can take the phone...okay?" I said softly, and he sighed.

"Jude...just...stay strong...I'll be back...I promise..."he breathed,"I love you too..."he added quietly, and a small smile lit my face.

"Tommy...I..."they grabbed the phone from me, and I started crying.

"Mason he loves me..."I whispered, and Mason's eyes widened as he climbed out of the ambulance.

"I'll call you Quincy...as soon as I know anything..."he said, and I could almost hear his response.

"Okay..."he said simply, running a hand through his hair,"I'm on the next flight...back there..."

"Tom...your sister...Jude would..."

"My sister's dead...I'm not losing Jude too..."he said, and hung up the phone.

"Are you family?"the doctor asked, and I glanced at Mason, my eyes wide.

"Mase...don't leave me...please..."I breathed, tears running down my cheeks.

"I'll see you soon...I have to call everyone...okay?" I nodded, and winced at the pain in my skull.

"Ms. Harrison?" the doctor asked, and I shook my head again, my vision fuzzy.

"I..." I felt my eyes slipping closed, and fought to keep them open.

"Ms. Harrison, stay with us..."

"I...I can't..."I whispered, my eyes sliding shut completely.

"Jude? Oh God..."I felt him trying to grab my hand but couldn't do anything back. This was killing me.

"Mr. Fox...is there anyone we need to contact?"I heard the doctor ask.

"Um...her dad...her sister...Darius..."he was naming off names, staring down at me.

"You'll need to contact anyone who isn't immediate family, Mr. Fox..."he said, and Mason nodded.

"I'll get right on that..."he said quietly.

And suddenly, I was at the release party. Sadie was pacing, and she was holding a

bouquet of flowers.

"Oh God...Sades..."I whispered, leaning against a pillar, and she turned to stare at

me, squinting.

"She can see me?" I said to myself, and darted behind the pillar, and she walked

around it.

"Jude..."she said, a scowl on her face, walking around the corner, and I closed my

eyes tightly.

"Sadie?" I asked quietly, and she frowned.

"When Darius gets his hands on you..."she warned, and Liam came around the

corner.

"Who in the world are you talking to? Should I ad crazy to your four month

review?" Liam asked, and I grabbed Sadie's arm, pulling her away from Liam.

"Ugh...I'll tell you what I know when I find out, Liam..."she said, and glanced at

me in outrage when I opened the office door, locking us up in Tommy's old office and closing the door so no one could see her.

"Nice flowers..."I commented, and she frowned.

"Why couldn't Liam see you?" she asked bluntly, and I ran a hand through my

hair.

"Tommy's office is already looking dusty...he should be back soon..."I commented softly, and she rolled her eyes.

"Jude!" she said, and I stopped pacing, turning to stare at her.

"I..."her cellphone rang, and I winced.

"This is Sadie Harrison..."she said, confused, and her eyes widened, filling with

tears.

"What? No...not Jude..I just talked to her..."she said, her voice shaking slightly,

and I stared out at the party, listening to her.

"Hit by a drunk driver?" she questioned, and sunk down into Tommy's chair, her

head in her hands.

"Sadie..."I whispered, kneeling in front of her,"I'll see you at the hospital...I need

to go back..."

"Don't go...not yet..." she told me softly, and I shrugged.

"Sadie..."I grabbed her hand, and she started crying,"You need to go tell Darius

and Liam and Kwest...okay?"

I was aware of everything going on around me. But I needed to know more. So I got up, as much as I could, and made my way to the waiting room, my breath catching in my throat.

"Any news?" Sadie asked softly, her head on Kwest's shoulder, and I spotted almost everyone from Gmajor in the waiting room.

"No...they wont tell us anything..."Dad said quietly, and closed his eyes tightly.

"I need coffee..."Sadie announced, and Kwest got up.

"You should be here...I'll get..." the door slid open, and everyone, including me, turned to stare at Tommy, who looked like shit.

"Get out of here...right now..."Sadie said, her voice shaking, and Mason got up.

"Whoa...Sadie...give him a break, okay?" he said, and Tommy shot him a look of gratitude.

"You can go in and see her..."the doctor said,"She's still quite unstable...theres...Mr. Harrison..could I speak to you in private.."

"You can say it to all of them...we're all her family..."Dad said.

"Ms. Harrison, although her external injuries are small...has a blood clot in her brain...specifically the part that deals with memory...there's no telling of when and if she'll wake up at this point...but all her other vitals are stable...you can go in one at a time..."

"Tommy...leave..."

"My sister just died!" he burst out, and Kwest's eyes widened,"Did you really think I'd leave? Just like that? Just when-"

"Tommy...don't..."Mason said quietly, and he turned to stare at him.

"Mason..."he said softly, and he ran a hand through his hair.

"She's in there...and she needs you..."he said, motioning to the door, and Tommy

sighed.

"I know..."he said softly, and walked towards the door, stopping to stare at me. I

Just decided to hang out in my body and hear what he had to say.

So? Good? Bad? Ugly?


	10. A Lack of Color Here

A New Day A New Life

A Lack of Color Here-Part A

Jena Rink

I know. I know. I know I know. And it's hella short.

You probably hate me. I don't blame you:D

But….yeah…read…tell me what you think. I can't believe

That I got re-inspired for this. It's craziness.

And I don't own Instant Star

Jena

The silence was tangible. You could almost touch it. I could see him from the corner I was standing in, but I wasn't visible. Or at least I hoped I wasn't. His hear was disheveled, missing the customary hair gel that made his hair crunch but stylish, his eyes were bloodshot from crying, and he was wearing the same outfit that he'd left me in. Now, looking back at this hospital room and him standing over me, the accident seemed like a lifetime ago. So many things were different now. But as Aubrey had pointed out to me, some things could be put back in their proper place. So I stood, and waited, watching him and the way he stared at my body, which was disgusting by the way. Hooked up to too many cables and tubes, pale as a ghost from the blood loss.

He sat down in the chair next to my bed, and reached out tentatively, hoping to feel some sort of response from my hand.

"Hey girl…"he breathed, the raspy tone of his voice making me weak in the knees. He touched my hand lightly with his fingers, squeezing it gently and holding it up to his mouth, kissing the palm gently,"Just so you know…I'm not leaving here until you wake up..I don't care if I smell awful or if I get sick myself..just so that you're okay…"he added in a soft joking tone. I could see the smirk on his face from the reflection in the window.

"When you wake up, I'll be different…I won't be distant anymore…"he paused, and my eyes widened when I heard the sound of crying," Jude you can't be asleep…"he searched for the right words,"You can't die on me…you've got so much fire, and passion.and you're…you make me a better man…"he glanced over at the window for a moment, and my eyes shot open to the size of saucers when we locked gazes.

"Crap…"I whispered. He spun around, dropping my hand onto the sheets and staring at me.

"J-Jude?" he asked, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Hi…"I breathed, and he glanced back at the bed and then back at me a few times, his mouth open but no words coming out.

"If you keep your mouth open like that for too long you're gonna start to catch flies.."I said, unsuccessfully trying to clear the air, sinking down to sit against the wall instead of stand.

"Jude you're on the bed, In a coma, and yet you're right in front of me?"

"I know..I don't know what's going on either…she told me I'd get to see you..but I didn't think you could see me too.."I admitted, as he took a step closer to me, curious.

"Who told you?" he questioned, and I shook my head, glancing down and playing with the sheer overlay of my dress to distract myself,"Are you even real?" he added

"Run out of hair gel, Quincy?" I questioned, my eyebrow raised, confirming his suspicions.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, girl…"he said, taking another step.

"I like it without the gel," I said, staring up at him from my place on the floor.

He sunk to his knees, and I sighed softly when he grabbed my hand in his.

"Do you have any idea what's going on here?" he asked, and I shrugged, closing my eyes tightly for a moment before opening them to stare into his intense gaze.

"As far as out of body experiences go, I think I've got the general idea…"I mused, as his eyes scanned my body.

"I love your dress…"he commented,"What…"I cut him off, glancing towards the wall.

"I need to ask you a question..Tommy…"I said quietly,"I think that's why I'm here…"I added, and he leant down in front of me, lifting my chin with his finger.

"Anything Jude…you can ask me anything…"I took a small breath of trepidation.

"I'm going to wake up….not now..but eventually, and when I do, I need you to be there…I need to know that you'll always be there…"I said, our eyes locked,"I need you to promise that you'll always be there…"

"Jude..what's this about?" he asked, and I grabbed both his hands tightly in mine.

"Tommy please, just promise me…"I pleaded, almost desperately, trying to get him to give me a reason to stay.

"If I get you back I'll never let you go again, girl…"he hugged me against him, and I breathed in his scent as I felt the familiar tug.

"I've gotta go…."I whispered, and his eyes widened.

"What…Jude…no.."

"Just stay here…stay with me…wait for me..okay?" I asked, and he nodded as the scene around me faded. The last thing I heard was a breath of a whisper on his lips.

Always 

ISISISIISISISISISISISISISIISISISISIISISISISISISISISIISISISISISISISISISIIS

"Why am I here?" I asked under my breath, tiptoeing out the back door of the church Sadie and I had frequented in our younger years while we were at the farmhouse. It must have been my funeral. Should I have died my sister probably would have insisted that I was buried in this graveyard and that the funeral was at this church. I was dressed in all black, and was wearing sunglasses.

So I walked in, and sat down in the back row, and listened. It was obvious that they'd managed to keep the funeral a secret from the press, because it was just friends and familiy. Georgia and EJ were there, sitting by eachother, staring forwards at the casket that was closed. I never understood the entire idea of viewing. Isn't it a little morbid to look at your deceased friends and relatives that have been sprayed with flesh colored spray paint and painted up to look as though they are sleeping peacefully? I'm pretty sure they couldn't have done that with me, hence the closed casket.

Sadie had been finishing up her speech when I couldn't take it anymore, and here I was sneaking out the back door.

"Tommy you're up next…you have to go in there man, she would have wanted…"Kwest got cut off when Tommy stared at him angrily, neither one of them noticing my presence.

"You don't know what the hell Jude wanted Kwest because she's dead!" he burst out, running a hand through his hair,"I can just picture her laying there and realizing that it was over….and it never should have happened! Meeting me was the worst thing that ever happened to her!" he burst out.

"That's not true Tommy, she loved you!" Kwest responded.

"And what did I do in return, Kwest? Break her heart? Leave her confused and alone! And I did it..It's my fault Jude's dead! I as good as killed her!" he punched the wall, his eyes filled with anguish, and I stared at him, a hand over my mouth.

"Tommy.."I murmured from beside the tree I had wandered too, and he spun around as I ducked behind the trunk.

"Kwest just go inside…"he said, taking a step towards the trees, his eyes bloodshot.

Four pages isn't TOO bad. And I suppose you're all still confused. But It'll all be explained I swear.


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